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Post by Viempth on Mar 20, 2014 23:19:22 GMT -5
Why did Marx's toilet play music whenever he flushed it?
Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
A grandmother, a mother, and a daughter walk into a bar.
She orders a drink.
On the train with Einstein. He turns to me and asks:
"Does Boston stop at this train?"
I'd make a hipster joke, but those are way too fucking mainstream.
Why did the fungus and the moss start dating?
They took a lichen to each other.
P1:What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a tube of glue?
P1:You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
P2:What about the tube of glue?
P1:I knew you'd get stuck on that!
There's a bathroom fixture knocking on your door.
Just let that sink in.
((I considered putting this in spam, but then came to my senses. jokes are SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Also, I apologize for that sink joke. I came up with it and I'm sorry))
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Post by nightclaw on Nov 4, 2014 22:55:04 GMT -5
What do you call it when someone steals your glasses?
Being robbed blind
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Post by Honeyman on Nov 5, 2014 0:37:05 GMT -5
Dark joke warning.
What's the best part of an ISIS joke?
The execution.
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Post by Pemichan on Nov 5, 2014 3:16:21 GMT -5
Oh dear are we making puns? One second...
Took my doll to a restaurant but she wouldn't eat a thing.
She was stuffed
Why did the cheese cry when his friends left?
He was Provolone
Dead Marco and dead Eridan jokes aren't half as funny as they used to be.
A guy drank his favorite lemon-lime soda and it left him feeling Sprite-ly.
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Post by Commander Tumbles on Nov 5, 2014 9:36:07 GMT -5
Want to hear an Ebola joke? You probably won't get it...
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Post by nightclaw on Nov 7, 2014 23:50:03 GMT -5
2 coins add up to 30 cents, one of them is not a nickel. One's a quarter, one's a nickel.
One of them is not a nickel, the other one is though. |
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Post by Commander Tumbles on Nov 8, 2014 0:53:04 GMT -5
2 coins add up to 30 cents, one of them is not a nickel. One's a quarter, one's a nickel.
One of them is not a nickel, the other one is though. You wanna know why they call him Kid Nickels?  |
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Post by Pemichan on Nov 8, 2014 3:41:18 GMT -5
I don't know why some people are so scared of cemetaries when other people are just dying to get in every day.
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Post by Commander Tumbles on Dec 20, 2014 21:35:16 GMT -5
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles |
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Post by Viempth on Dec 20, 2014 21:45:07 GMT -5
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Little known factoid- only two tenTICKLES. Squid have only two tentacles and eight arms, while octopi (barring some exceptions) have eight arms and no tentacles. However, cephalopod arms with suckers all along their length are often called tentacles even though a tentacle is mostly considered to be an appendage with suckers just at the end.  So did you hear about the hiker who got mauled by a bear? He might with quite a... GRIZZLY fate. |
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Post by nightclaw on Jan 3, 2015 20:53:47 GMT -5
What did the train on the way to Auschwitz say?
Chugga chugga jew jew
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Post by Pemichan on Jan 7, 2015 22:08:19 GMT -5
Thaaaaaat... That one is insensitive, don't do that please...
What alcohol do rabbits drink?
HOP SCOTCH
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Post by Viempth on Mar 15, 2015 21:57:31 GMT -5
If you made french fries in a submarine, they would be...
DEEP FRIED B)
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Post by nightclaw on Mar 15, 2015 22:24:15 GMT -5
A man was arrested for pot possession in Saudi Arabia.
He was stoned.
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Post by Viempth on Mar 15, 2015 22:32:14 GMT -5
Some people might say it's boring, but I think Geology ROCKS.
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